Johnny & Al's Alternative Rumour Mill
Allardyce Expecting Great Things From New Warthog Centre-Half
"You can't have enough defenders with tusks,"' said Big Sam at a press conference to unveil his new signing. Sadly, the powerfully built Phacochoerus Africanus - described by his agent as being "An old-fashioned stopper in the John Terry mould, except without the weeping self-pity and the trying to rut team-mates ex-girlfriends" - ran amok in the Upton Park media room and savaged several journalists. Allardyce laughed throughout and was heard to bellow: "Go on Warty lad, give them a good tusking."
Arsenal Top Brass Worried For Arsène
Enduring his least successful summer since he was a reedy, bookish 17-year-old too shy to talk to girls at the local swimming pool in his home village of Duttlenheim, Arsène Wenger has reportedly locked himself in the manager's office at Arsenal's London Colney training ground. The beleaguered boss is said to be so distraught by losing all his tiny tippy-tappy footballwaifs to rival teams that he has bought himself a life-size dollhouse in which he sits, muttering, moving fragile bamboo models of his players from room-to-room, and having tea parties in which he "discusses" the club's title challenged for next season with the inanimate toys.
Fergie Laughs Off Ventriloquist Jibes
Sir Alex Ferguson has responded with amusement to claims that he controls the entire UK football media as if he were a Blackpool pier entertainer of the old school and the press was a raggedy sock puppet with his gnarled claw up its arse. "I'm no the evil puppet master that they say I am," said Ferguson. "Gottle of geer," agreed several national newspaper football correspondents.
Eck: Won't Be Down On Downing
Big Eck McLeish has insisted that he has a strategy for persuading Stewart Downing to remain at Aston Villa next season, despite speculation that the player is set to hand in a transfer request, with Liverpool his preferred destination. "I prize loyalty above all else," said the Villa boss. "But if a boy disnae want to play for the club then I'm not going to force him to stay. I'll drive him to Liverpool myself if that's what he wants. I might be able to get a new job there and all."
News In Brief
...Peter Reid has denied being the Simian inspiration for the Robbie Williams song, 'Me And My Monkey' but has admitted that he wrote 'Icky Thump' for Jack White...
Monkey Sock Puppet - News
Johnny & Al's Alternative Rumour Mill
Sir Alex Ferguson has responded with amusement to claims that he controls the entire UK football media as if he were a Blackpool pier entertainer of the old school and the press was a raggedy sock puppet with his gnarled claw up its arse.
Winnipeg artists aim for the absurd in Constructive Abandonment
A man with a sock puppet becomes even more tragic when you read his intentions: “He would win back the children.” A shadowy figure tossing a garbage bag off a boat becomes even more sinister thanks to a caption describing the bag's contents as
DEXTER: St. Joseph's festival draws crowd
Crafter Raynette Kempf said that her sock monkey puppets were almost getting up and walking off the table she was displaying them on in the arts and crafts tent. The Ann Arbor native started stitching sock figures and material quilts years ago as a
Val: Sorry Archie, but it all sounds so unreal to me
She and her then alter ego, a depressed monkey called, er Monk, turned up at the Lawrence Batley Theatre three or four years ago. It was no genteel, striped blazer experience as Nina's hand puppet companion turned out to have a remarkably earthy turn
Monkey Sock Puppet - Bookshelf
Sock Monkey Dreams, Daily Life at the Red Heel Monkey Shelter
Sock puppets are a hose of an entirely different color, and it is not only incorrect but is considered taboo to refer to a sock monkey as a "sock puppet. ...A Collection of Plays by Mark Frank, Bend/Hotel 5/I Figaro! /a Purrfect Life /He's Harry/but Aren't We All Torn
(The ATTENDANT ignores the sock puppet) Hey monkey boy,nice hat! Make some sounds for me monkey boy, come on. (The sock puppet imitates some monkey noises) ...Teaching Art, A Complete Guide for the Classroom
This sock puppet monkey can be adapted to develop human clothing and characteristics. Simple hand-stitching is required. n Papier-mâché. ...Sock
A sock monkey narrates the story of a NYPD diver who finds the body of a dead woman (and former lover) in the waters off New York City and joins forces with the ...505 unbelievably stupid Web pages
It shows several photos of a rather crudely put-together sock monkey on a toy motorcycle (when I could be entertained by sock puppets and toy motorcycles. ...Everyday News Directory
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'Racist' Obama sock-puppet monkey yanked
'Racist' Obama sock-puppet monkey yanked. Company nixes production, apologizes for ... A sock monkey made to look like Barack Obama and wearing a suit with ...
